As Good as I Hoped… Almost

The last couple of weeks have been eventful, and almost everything has been going as well (or even better) than I hoped. My shop is exactly where I wanted it to be much faster than I expected. This week I have gotten sales on most days. I thought I was going to reach fifty items in my inventory for sale, but things are going slightly faster than I can replace them. This is fine. I don’t need the inventory, I was trying to drive business. There is a minimum number of listings that makes the shop appealing to buyers – they get drawn in by a listing, then look around to see if there is something they like better or want to add to the item that drew them in. If there isn’t enough, they leave or just buy the one thing. When there are more listings, there are more purchases. I thought the magic number was going to be one hundred, but it seems the number is actually forty-six (but I wish it were forty-two).

I realized that I needed to add more inventory in a hurry, so on Wednesday this week I dyed a bunch of new rovings (the first one isn’t listed yet)…

..and then I had a dying accident. That pumpkin orange you see on the right was going to be a first attempt at the candy corn color in the middle. I mix the dyes in a glass jar because if I pour boiling water in a plastic bottle, the bottle melts. I can use a warm dye, but I can’t move it to the squeeze bottle until it cools nearly all the way. In any case, I had my rubber gloves on and was carrying the jar of dye over to the undyed roving, when the jar slipped and broke. Plenty of the dye went into the roving, so I just went with that. Plenty more got on my countertop (fortunately, it’s a silestone counter and the dye comes out with Dawn, vinegar, and a long scrub with a magic eraser), a fair amount ended up in the utensil drawers in my kitchen island, and a little ended up on the floor. I also splashed some onto my dish towel, so I tried (and failed) to even out the color. The worst is that my tennis shoes are partly orange as well. 😦

I’ve made it my policy to limit my listings to one new item per day. There is a really good reason for this. If I list or relist something daily, it helps my visibility. I do not like the idea of paying another listing fee for something that doesn’t need it, so I just stick to new listings as often as possible. I can only work so much before I am exhausted (and not at all on Tuesdays when I have acupuncture, massage and bowling – too many scheduled events leave me overwhelmed). The photography and listing are very time consuming, and I like to have some photographed items ready for days when I really just can’t put in much effort at all. The problem is, I really don’t like to have a list of things that need to be done. I learned in college what it felt like to not procrastinate, and man, the feeling was so good that I have given up the sport of procrastination entirely. Well, almost entirely. In this case, it’s better not to just get it all done at once.

Health has actually factored in to my work lately. I have known for the last nine years that if I work too many hours (what constitutes too many varies from day to day), I pay for it inordinately. I try to limit myself, but I really like working, especially at this job. I put in nineteen hours a day the first few days, then maybe twelve hours the rest of the first few weeks, then eight from then on. The work was huge at first because I had to set up a Facebook page, create a Twitter account, make a Ravelry group, become on official yarn brand and shop on Ravelry, and read and implement what I learned about marketing and Search Engine Optimization (SEO).

I started to feel the impact of my activity pretty quickly. The first few days were ok, but the ME/CFS often has a delayed onset – I do something today and pay for it a few days later. I get tired, and the fibromyalgia pain acts up. I think what really happens is that stress hormones over-activate my nervous system, and then all the bad things come up. I started having more problems with my POTS, becoming breathless when simply standing up. I was also having insomnia and nightmares (from adrenaline surges at night) – first the scary vampires-chasing-me kind, then the soul crushing defeat that leaves me waking up in tears kind. This is the heart of what took me out when I got sick two and half years ago (can you believe it’s been that long? and also that short?).

The disabling fatigue is actually easier to handle this time, for many reasons. The most important reason, as far as I’m concerned, is that I am not also dealing with the brain-burn from the undetected soy and estrogen sensitivity I had the first time. The brain-burn can take me out on its own, and with the post-exertional malaise, well, it’s catastrophic. Another reason I’m finding it easier is that Dr B has an idea of what might have led to it. You see, I did another gallbladder cleanse a couple of weeks ago. I was gaining weight even though I had not changed my diet (about fifteen pounds in 3 months). Dr B thought I might have been holding on to hormones, so I took calcium d-glucarate to help my liver process them out. Well, it stopped the weight gain, but didn’t really lead to the weight going back to where it was. Through some testing, we learned that my gallbladder/biliary pathways are under-functioning, so the cleanse was supposed to clean it out and help it start over. For the week after the cleanse, I was rapidly losing weight (a pound a day). This is exactly what happened before I fell off a cliff those years ago. Dr B’s theory is that the hormones that I was storing as fat became water soluble from the cleanse, and that I was reabsorbing toxic hormones that were, in effect, poisoning me. I think he’s right. I am still taking the calcium d-glucarate to support hormone detox, but there isn’t much I can do about the toxic dose of whatever was stored in my fat cells. Just wait it out, I guess. What’s good is that I have a very viable answer, and this gives me hope that I can heal some and that I can prevent this level of function loss in the future.

Now don’t mistake me – I will never be cured. I’m always going to be prone to developing these symptoms if I overdo it or lose weight too quickly. But I know so much more about exactly what’s wrong and how to minimize the impact of the ME/CFS on my life than I did when this first happened, and more than I did even when I finally found the diagnosis a year and a half ago. I’m still not going to realistically be able to work in a full-time job outside of the home. But this is the dream, isn’t it? To work for yourself in a job that you love, when you want and how you want? It’s almost what I hoped for in my life. I could live without the chronic illness, but I can’t have everything.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s